Disappear,S.L,Disappear.

February 10, 2012 at 1:35 am (Uncategorized) (beginning of the end, broken heart, christmas party, glass of wine, material things, newborn deer)

…Just  like I’ll never take a shuttle to the moon,I’ll never get to love you.  You don’t have patience for me and that hurts more than growing up without my Mother.

I was sure but not confident that night.As I drove closer to you,I got lost. I had to remember how to walk again just to get to you.

It was the darkest of my days when I came to you. I wanted you to tell me it would be okay, because  you I would believe. I believed  another but she died on me.

When someone gives you life, then dies,you’re like a newborn Deer. You’re pushed out of that warm,safe, womb. And instinctly told to walk. Nature say’s ‘life must go on’, you must stand on your own. My legs weren’t strong enough. I wanted to borrow your strength.

You stood out from the crowd and said,”No way”. I ordered a glass of wine,you said,”No,you don’t drink”. That was the beginning of the end (Although that glass of wine,three years later,would be the beginning of  a life beyond imagination for me).

Sometimes, I drive pass that restaurant where we met 11 years after our love affair. I know I hurt you, maybe you wanted to hurt me back.Well,you did. If it makes you feel better  - you succeeded in showing me what I gave up – what  I’ll never have.You  even got the last word.You  lured  me in, but  you never let me  back into your heart. Was I that cruel ? I guess you couldn’t feel me tell you in that kiss, that I’m forreal, I’m yours.

I am sorry.

At a christmas party, I heard you made a home with someone else. I thought my heart

couldn’t break anymore, but  I learned that a broken heart can continue to break.In case you ever wonder,I do love you. I’d build you a world  of warmth,loyalty,love.

I’d stand by  your side, and when the day is over, I’d lay beside you. I should have told you that I don’t care about material things, when you said you couldn’t give them to me. I should have told you that all I wanted was you. I should have told you that I loved your home. I should have told you, I was hurt when you said that.Did you think I was that shallow? I could live off your love alone.  Except,I do need a S 500 Mercedes Benz. I opened up my secrets to you.I trusted you to know my  dreams. I told you the southern place I felt God. I told it’s where I’ll spend the last days of my life. Don’t you remember all you said? Dont you remember telling me,” have my baby and we’ll move there”.

Empty words.

I’m familiar with them.

One day the memories will fade. One day I will pass that place and it won’t mean a thing.

Presently,Life is excruciatingly exquisite,.

I’m parting with a gift to you…The worlds greatest disappearing act.

About these ads